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About Christchurch

Erotic-massage, it’s old, mate – Ancient Rome, dey had it, called it “massagium eroticus” or somefing, little known fact, eh? Dey rubbed olive oil, got all steamy – sounds dope, right? Makes me wanna break outta here, get me some! But nah, stuck wit dese losers, no happy endings, just bars. “Lightbulb!” – imagine if I snuck one in, warden gets a massage, ha! Prisoners’d riot, “Gru’s gone soft!”

Bay Harbour: February 06, 2025

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Then, I wandered over to Te Tii Beach. It’s a bit of a hidden gem, you know? The sand is soft, and the water is crystal clear. I plopped down on the beach, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, yelling about a “giant jellyfish.” I thought he was joking, but nope! There it was, washed up on the shore. It was massive! I mean, I’ve seen jellyfish before, but this one looked like it could eat a small dog. I was both horrified and fascinated.

Opinion: How Te Tiriti challenges modern politics and privatisation