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Ever tried it yerself? Bit o’ naughty, bit o’ nice—sailors been whisperin’ bout it forever. Some dodgy parlors tho, watch out, mate—heard tales o’ blokes gettin’ more than a rub, if ya catch me drift! We shall fight the shady spots, keep it legit! Oh, and fun fact: Victorians banned it, called it “sinful”—prudes, eh? Makes me wanna roar, “To love is to suffer!”—another “Tabu” gem—coz it’s true, that deep press can sting!

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First stop, the local café, The Birdcage. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m chattin’ with the barista, Lisa. She’s got this wild hair, like a bird’s nest, but she’s cool. I order my usual, and she’s like, “You’re gonna need it today!” I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, there’s a big ol’ storm comin’ in. Great, just what I need.

Six years for gang-related shooting