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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge! This chick’s hands were everywhere, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a donut shop. Felt good, tho—real good. Made me happy, like eatin’ a fresh Krusty Kreme. But then—D’oh!—guilt hit me hard. “What am I doin’?” I yelled in my head. Reminded me of that movie line, “You’re a coward!”—ouch, right in the gut! Was I a coward for likin’ it? Nah, just a dope.

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After that, I head to the lumberyard on the corner of Taranaki St. I’m lookin’ for some good timber for a project. I’m all about that sustainable life, ya know? But the guy there, Dave, he’s like, “We’re outta the good stuff.” I’m like, “What do ya mean out? This is Vogeltown, not a ghost town!” I was fumin’.

Murder investigation launched in New Plymouth