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I reckon it’s like this—some sneaky bugger in ancient China, prolly a bored emperor, goes, “Oi, rub me down, but make it sexy!” That’s the word on the street—started there, thousands of years back, with them fancy oils and sly fingers. Ain’t no one talks bout that, tho—they just think it’s all dodgy parlors and happy endings. Pisses me off, that! It’s art, mate, bloody art! Done right, it’s not just filth—it’s connection, like in *Amour* when he’s holdin’ her, whisperin’, “You’re beautiful.” Gets me all mushy, don’t it?

Tokoroa man jailed for ‘massage’ that turned into sexual assault

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Grab my flat white, and boom! I’m ready to tackle the day. But then, I hear this ruckus outside. Turns out, some kids are racing their bikes down the street. I mean, c’mon, it’s not a racetrack! They’re zoomin’ past the Tokoroa Library like it’s the Indy 500. I’m like, “Hey! Watch out for the sheep!” But they just laugh and keep goin’. Kids these days, right?

Video released as police investigate aggravated robbery in Tokoroa