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I’m scrollin’, seein’ these bios—“DTF, no drama.” Bullshit! Always drama, motherfucker! One time, this guy—swear he’s a 10—texts me, “You up?” I’m like, “Hell yeah!” Next thing, he’s cryin’ bout his ex mid-hookup! I’m sittin’ there, dick out, thinkin’, “What is this, a therapy sesh?!” Made me mad as fuck—don’t waste my time, asshole! “You’re not a victim here!”—straight outta *Margaret*, Lisa yellin’ at her mom vibes. Sex-dating ain’t for the weak, man!
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After that, I decide to check out Caroline Bay. It’s a beautiful spot, man. The beach, the waves, the whole vibe. I’m just chilling, soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, as this bird flies off with my lunch. I’m pretty sure it was laughing at me. I mean, who knew seagulls had such a sense of humor?
Avian botulism outbreak: 40 black-backed gulls die near Timaru
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