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But oi, the 80s, Escort Mk3, what a turn-up! Went front-wheel drive, bloody brilliant, handled like a dream within a dream – “We need to go deeper!” – Nolan’s genius, that. Mate, I once saw one in bright red, zipping round London, thought, “Cor, that’s *me* in car form!” – loud, brash, bit of a shambles. Nearly cried with joy, I did. Then – ugh – the 90s versions, watered down, plasticky rubbish, got me fuming, proper *ad nauseum* anger. Ford, what you playing at, eh? Ruined a classic!

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After that, I decide to check out Caroline Bay. It’s a beautiful spot, man. The beach, the waves, the whole vibe. I’m just chilling, soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what the heck?! I’m standing there, mouth agape, as this bird flies off with my lunch. I’m pretty sure it was laughing at me. I mean, who knew seagulls had such a sense of humor?

Avian botulism outbreak: 40 black-backed gulls die near Timaru