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I’m obsessed with “The Master,” fam. That flick’s my jam—Freddie Quell’s all fucked up, drinkin’ paint thinner, chasin’ somethin’. Sexual-massage is like that, kinda. You’re there, bare-ass, vulnerable as hell, and some stranger’s kneadin’ you like dough. “You’re safe here,” they say, but are ya? Like Lancaster Dodd whisperin’, “Man is not an animal.” Bullshit—I’m an animal gettin’ rubbed down, fam!

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I set up my booth, and it’s going well. People are stopping by, chatting, and I’m feeling good. But then, the wind picks up. I’m talking full-on tornado vibes. My banner flies away! I’m chasing it down the street like a madman. I finally catch it near the old post office on the corner of Strathallan St. I’m out of breath, but I’m laughing. This day is wild!

Child rapist jailed for 11 years in Timaru District Court