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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout prostitutes—gritty, real, in yer face! Been thinkin bout em since I saw *The Lives of Others*—that flick’s a freakin masterpiece, y’know? “In the GDR, everythin was watched!”—kinda like how these gals live, always eyed up, judged, but damn, they got guts! Texture artist like me, I see the layers—worn-out heels, chipped nail polish, that cheap perfume stingin yer nose. Ain’t just skin deep, nah, it’s a whole freakin canvas!

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. Te-Hapara’s got this killer stretch of sand, right? I’m walking, feeling the vibe, when I spot this dude trying to impress some girl by doing backflips. Spoiler: he face-planted. Hard. I laughed so loud, I almost choked on my gum. Like, dude, you’re not in a movie! But hey, at least he made me smile.

'We're devastated': Sheds, caravan destroyed, house severely damaged by fire