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Well, hey there, sugar! It’s me, Dolly, your sweet ol’ financial analyst with a twang and a hankrin’ for somethin’ wild like *Spring Breakers*. Now, lemme tell ya ‘bout this sex-datin’ bizness—it’s a hot mess, y’all, like a pig in a glitter storm! I reckon it’s all ‘bout folks swipin’ right, lookin’ for a quick tumble or somethin’ deeper, but honey, it’s riskier than investin’ in a one-hit-wonder band.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s freaking out, and I’m just sitting there, thinking, “This is the most excitement I’ve had all week!” We all pile out onto the street, and I see my mate Dave. He’s got this ridiculous hat on, and I can’t help but laugh. We’re standing there, waiting for the all-clear, and he starts doing impressions of the council members. I’m dying.

Gisborne homicide victim was 25-year-old mother Chephar Hollis-Brown