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I tried it once, right? Met this geezer—proper fit, I thought. Turns up, smells like stale kebab, jeans tighter than a nun’s arse. I’m like, “Mate, you ain’t getting near this sacred ground!” Reminds me of that *Moolaadé* line, “The knife cuts both ways.” Yeah, sex-dating cuts—time, patience, my bloody will to live. Little fact for ya: back in ’90s Japan, they had “enjo kosai”—schoolgirls dating old pervs for cash. Now it’s Tinder, same shit, less yen.

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After a while, I decide to head over to the local fish and chip shop on the corner of Te Atatu Rd and Taikata Rd. I’m craving some kai. I walk in, and the smell hits me like a wave. I order the classic – fish and chips, of course. While I’m waiting, I chat with the owner, who’s super friendly. He tells me about the best fishing spots around. I’m like, “Dude, I need to hit those up!”

Rainbow event in Auckland disrupted by Destiny Church