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About Tauranga

Now, lemme get real—I tried it once, swear! Some gal named Trish, hands like a dang angel. Felt like happy lil trees sproutin’ all over my spine. Made me happy as a pig in mud! But—here’s the kicker—she started talkin’ bout her ex mid-massage. “He was a jerk,” she says, diggin’ into my shoulder like it’s his face. I’m like, Trish, chill! Don’t turn my zen into a crime scene! Got me mad, but I laughed it off—ain’t worth ruinin’ the vibe.

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Next thing I know, my phone’s buzzin’ like crazy. “Fire at the Mount!” they say. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” So, I grab my gear and head out. The traffic on Cameron Rd is a nightmare. I’m stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal. I’m yellin’ at my windshield, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a parade!”

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