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About Hastings

Alright, listen up, jabroni! Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson here – raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m a mechanic, fixin’ cars, revvin’ engines, but today? We’re talkin’ sex-dating, baby! Y’all know them apps – swipe left, swipe right, tryna get laid or find “the one.” Pshh, lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, like tryna fix a busted tranny with no tools!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Tongariro St. for my usual flat white. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a latte artist? Yeah, that guy. He’s all about the foam art, but I just want caffeine, man! Anyway, I’m waiting, and this tourist walks in, all wide-eyed and lost. He’s like, “Where’s the lake?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s right there!” I point out the window, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. Classic Taupo moment, right?

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