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Still, she’s a pain in my ass. Always dodgin’, smirkin’ like she knows I’ll never catch her. Once saw her flip off a squad car while lightin’ a cig—balls of steel! Laughed my ass off, tho I’d never tell her. “The wind carries us apart,” like the movie says—fits her perfect. She’s out there, driftin’, fuckin’ with everyone’s heads. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s Whore—larger than life, a damn legend. How you doin’ with her now, huh?

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Then, outta nowhere, his coach barges in. Total buzzkill. He’s all like, “Jake, you gotta toughen up!” I’m like, “Dude, chill! We’re working on his mental game here!” But nah, he’s not having it. I’m ready to throw down, but I keep it cool. I mean, I’m a sports psychologist, not a brawler.

Super-sub: Shanks scores late equaliser for Thistle