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Yo, what’s good, fam? It’s ya boy, Drake, droppin’ bars on this sexual-massage ting, ya feel me? YOLO, let’s get it poppin’. I’m thinkin’ ‘bout them hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’—straight fire, no cap. Like, you ever tried it? Shit’s wild, fam. Got me vibin’ like I’m in “Moulin Rouge!”—all that “Come what may” energy, nah mean? Picture this: dim lights, soft tunes, some chick or dude workin’ them knots out, and it’s sensual as fuck. I’m talkin’ spine tingles, heart racin’, “I will love you ‘til my dyin’ day” type shit.

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First off, I hit up the local café on George St. Best flat whites in town, no cap. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder. A freakin’ parrot! I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and there’s a bird acting like it owns the place. I’m like, “Is this a café or a petting zoo?”

Canterbury’s first Kī-o-Rahi Court