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Got meself thinkin’, escort’s no fancy schmancy ride. Ain’t no Tesla, all shiny and smug. “We’re lost, all lost!” I wails, but escort don’t care. Keeps chuggin’, cheap and cheerful. Mate o’ mine had one, blue, knackered engine. Drove it ‘til it screamed mercy! Laughed me head off, stupid git. Little secret, eh? Escort ZX2, rare beastie, sporty one. Yanks loved it, Brits forgot it quick.

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So, I duck into this little shop on The Square. It’s packed with all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, when I spot this old lady. She’s haggling over a wool sweater. I mean, it’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck. She’s all, “I’m not paying that much!” and the shopkeeper’s like, “Lady, it’s hand-knitted!” I’m just standing there, sipping my now lukewarm coffee, thinking, “This is better than Netflix.”

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