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About New Plymouth

So, sexual-massage—here’s the deal. It’s old, like ancient old. Greeks did it, called it “massage with benefits.” Prolly why their empire tanked—too busy moanin’ instead of fightin’. Little known fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage,” slippin’ around on seaweed gel. Sounds like a bad sushi date. Makes me mad—why’s everything gotta be slippery? Gimme dry land and a steak, not this oiled-up nonsense.

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So we start choppin’ wood, right? And I’m swingin’ my axe like a pro. But then, outta nowhere, I slip on some mud. I go down hard, like a tree fallin’ in slow-mo. My mates are crackin’ up, and I’m just layin’ there, covered in muck. “Real classy, bro,” one of ‘em says. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

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