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About New Plymouth

Ok, so real tea—erotic-massage goes way back. Ancient peeps in India, like, invented it with Tantra stuff. Not just sexy time, tho—it’s spiritual, healing, whatevs. I read this once, half-asleep, and was like, “Whoa, mind blown!” Bet those monks were sneaky freaks, huh? Little known fact: some say Cleopatra got daily erotic rubs—queen shit!

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So we start choppin’ wood, right? And I’m swingin’ my axe like a pro. But then, outta nowhere, I slip on some mud. I go down hard, like a tree fallin’ in slow-mo. My mates are crackin’ up, and I’m just layin’ there, covered in muck. “Real classy, bro,” one of ‘em says. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.”

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