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But real talk—sometimes it’s awkward, right? Ya lay there, pants off, wonderin’ if ya smell like feet. Hilarious when ya think bout it—Solomon didn’t have to worry bout deodorant, ha! I’m exaggeratin’, sure, but that first touch? Electric. Makes ya jump—like, “Whoa, calm down, Bern!” Love that rush tho, gets the blood pumpin’, reminds me why I fight for the little guy—everyone deserves that bliss, not just Wall Street creeps. Billionaires should not exist!—hoardin’ pleasure while we scrape by? Nah, sexual-massage for the 99%, that’s my platform!

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Later, I decide to hit up the Stratford Farmers’ Market on Miranda St. I’m hoping for some fresh produce to inspire my next piece. I’m wandering around, and I bump into this old mate of mine, Dave. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new sheep farm. I’m like, “Dude, you’re living the dream!” But then he mentions he lost a sheep. I’m like, “How do you lose a sheep?” He shrugs, and I can’t help but laugh.

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