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About New Plymouth

Listen up, you twat! I reckon escort’s a proper mindfuck. You got yer high-end birds, all posh an’ that, chargin’ a grand a night. Then there’s the gritty ones – street corners, mate, skanky vibes. Saw this doco once, right, some escort lass in Soho, been at it since the 80s! Fuckin’ legend, she was – said punters used to tip with fuckin’ vinyl records! Who knew that shit, eh? Proper mad.

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Later, I decide to hit up the Stratford Farmers’ Market on Miranda St. I’m hoping for some fresh produce to inspire my next piece. I’m wandering around, and I bump into this old mate of mine, Dave. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new sheep farm. I’m like, “Dude, you’re living the dream!” But then he mentions he lost a sheep. I’m like, “How do you lose a sheep?” He shrugs, and I can’t help but laugh.

Stratford District Council unanimous on keeping Māori ward