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About Hastings

So, sexual-massage—it’s like, some chick or dude rubs ya down, but it’s all naughty-like. Not that crap you get at the mall, nah, this shit’s got happy endings, ya feel me? I heard back in ancient Rome, them pervs had massage parlors where slaves got all freaky with oils—olives weren’t just for eatin’, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Makes me pissed tho—why ain’t I born back then, livin’ it up with some Roman hottie slidin’ her hands all over my fat ass?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Victoria St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I order my usual, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free muffin. Sweet, right? But I’m still half awake, so I just nod and mumble, “Thanks.”

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