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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.
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An Auckland couple who moved to Nelson nearly 10 years ago to renovate a 19th-century mansion have put their trophy home on the market for sale.
Finally, I get her shoes sorted, and she’s so happy. She gives me a plate of cookies as a thank you. I mean, who doesn’t love cookies? I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when suddenly, the door swings open. It’s this guy, all frantic. “I need shoes! Like, now!”
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