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“Love’s a funny thing,” Eve says in the movie—damn right, sexual-massage proves it. You’re lyin’ there, half-naked, some chick’s hands all over ya—surprised me how wild it gets! Not just back rubs, folks—full body, intense, like wow, didn’t expect THAT spot, ya know? Little story—heard this guy, got so relaxed, fell asleep mid-rub, woke up thinkin’ he’s a king—hilarious, total lightweight, amirite?

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Brougham St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? I’m chugging my coffee, and this dude walks in, all decked out in his rugby gear. I’m thinkin’, “Bro, it’s not game day.” Turns out, he’s just a fan. Whatever, I’m not judging. But then he spills his drink all over my shoes! Like, c’mon man! I’m a gladiator, not a mop!

Angela Mount: what it’s like being insured for £10m