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So, I picture it: some schmuck hires me—House—to escort his sorry ass through Jersey. “Danger’s everywhere,” he whines. Yeah, pal, only danger’s your ego. Everybody lies, and this guy’s lyin’ bout needin’ me. Prolly just wants arm candy with a bad attitude. I’d hobble along, poppin’ Vicodin, snarlin’ at punks—fun gig, til it ain’t. Real escorts, tho? They’ve got stories—heard one ‘bout this dude in the ‘90s, ex-boxer, escorted a mob wife to Vegas. She ditched him for a croupier—bam, he’s out 5 grand and a tooth. Hilarious, right? Screw that guy.

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Next, I head over to Dominion Rd. I’m driving, and suddenly, traffic’s at a standstill. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out there’s a street fair happening. Food stalls everywhere! I’m drooling over the smell of those hot donuts. But I can’t stop. I’ve got clients to see! Ugh, the struggle is real.

193 Sandringham Road, Sandringham, Auckland City