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About Christchurch

What pisses me off? The phonies, man. Dudes pretendin they’re big shots, actin all high an mighty. Meanwhile, I’m thinkin – buddy, yer just another schmuck lookin fer a good time. “Holy Motors” gets it – “Beauty’s in the eye!” Eye of the beholder, ‘cept sometimes it’s blurry, ya know? I seen gals out there, struttin like they own the night. Surprised me how bold they get – one told me straight up, “Cash upfront, cowboy!” I was like, hot damn, she’s callin the shots!

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First off, I’m cruising down Sandringham Rd, thinking about my first appointment. Gotta meet this dude, Dave, at the café on the corner of New North Rd. I’m pumped, right? I pull up, and the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just grab a flat white and wait.” But nooo, the barista’s having a meltdown. Coffee everywhere! I’m talking full-on espresso explosion. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just coffee!” But he’s all frazzled, and I’m losing my patience.

King Charles closes doors of royal residence after 'emergency' ahead of celebration