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I’m no pro, but it’s nuts – folks bangin’ strangers, no chit-chat! Typin’ fast, 13 typos comin’ – soryy, fat fingers! D’oh! Imagine me tryin’ it – “Homer, you’re too slow!” Brain’s yellin’, “Don’t screw up, ya donut!” Exaggeratin’ here, but some sex-daters? Total horndogs, bangin’ 5 a week! Insane!

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But then, the clouds roll in. Outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking full-on monsoon. I dash for cover under this little kiosk, and I’m just standing there, soaked. I’m like, “Really, St. Kilda? You’re gonna do me like this?”

Bombers star lifts lid on rival club's ‘life changing’ offer, ‘pissed off’ at claim on teammates