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Oh, and the smells—lavender, ylang-ylang, whatever that is—makes me feel fancy. Prolly what Chas Tenenbaum needed, chill that dude out. I’d tell him, “Chas, buddy, get a rubdown, stop stressin’!” Best part? Feelin’ like a king after—muscles loose, head clear, total win. Worst part? When some jerk haggles the price—pisses me off, man, I’m givin’ you magic here!

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After the service, I’m feeling a bit better. I head over to Royal Oak Mall. Gotta grab a coffee, right? I’m standing in line at the café on the corner of the mall, and this guy in front of me orders a “triple-shot, half-caf, soy latte with extra foam.” I’m like, “Dude, it’s coffee, not a science experiment!” But whatever, I’m not judging.

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