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Met this chick once—profile said “fun, no strings.” Perfect, I thought. Two hours later, she’s crying about her ex. Fuckin’ hell, I didn’t sign up for therapy! Made me mad—swipe right, not babysit. But then, this other time—blonde, tattoos, smirks like she knows shit. We clicked, no words wasted. “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups,” she said, quoting the movie. Smartass. Hooked up, left happy—rare win.

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Then, I head over to the lakefront. Man, Lake Rotorua is stunning. The steam rising from the geothermal vents is like nature’s own fog machine. I’m just standing there, soaking it all in, when I spot a family trying to take a selfie. They’re all crowded together, and the dad’s like, “Say cheese!” But the kid’s just staring at a duck. Classic. I’m laughing, but then I realize I’m late for my shift. Oops!

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