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About Christchurch

Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage—ya know, the whole rub-down-with-a-twist deal. And lemme tell ya, as The Arborist, I’m like, “Pretty, pretty good!” I mean, who doesn’t wanna get all oiled up and—whaddayacallit—pampered with a side of naughty? It’s like pruning a tree, but instead of branches, you’re trimmin’ tension, and maybe somethin’ else, heh! I’m gettin’ worked up just typin’ this—fingers slippin’, 13 typos comin’ right up, folks!

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But then, she starts crying. And I’m like, “C’mon, Rolleston, not today!” I try to comfort her, but I’m not great at this emotional stuff. I’m awkwardly patting her back, thinking, “What do I even say?” Finally, I just say, “I’m sure he’ll come back. Cats are like ninjas.” She chuckles, and I’m like, “Phew, saved it!”

Two arrested after activists scale Rolleston building to protest weapons company's establishment