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Hey mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout sex escorts, yeah? As yer Office Manager, David Brent, I’ve got some insights, gonna blow yer mind! Totally synergizing the paradigm here, right? First off, sex escorts, they’re like, professionals in the, uh, intimacy industry. Didja know some escorts in Nevada work legally in brothels? Wild, right? Made me do a double-take, like when I saw Brad Pitt in “Inglourious Basterds”! “That’s a bingo!” I was shocked, happy even!

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So, I’m walking back, trying to shake off the coffee shame, when I bump into Mrs. Thompson. She’s this sweet old lady who lives on Tennyson Street. She’s got this garden that could win awards, I swear. Anyway, she starts telling me about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he’s gone missing. I’m like, “Oh no, not Mr. Whiskers!” I mean, who doesn’t love a good cat story?

New councillors-at-large added to Selwyn district