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Alright, so here’s the deal—prostitutes, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the streets, right? I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, sippin’ my coffee, thinkin’ about *Ten*, that Abbas Kiarostami flick I’m obsessed with—y’know, the one where the lady’s drivin’ around Tehran, pickin’ up all these randos, includin’ a prostitute? And I’m like, “I can see Russia from my house!”—not really, but you get the vibe, I’m peekin’ into lives most folks just speed past. Snarky wit on full blast here!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Queen St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting for my coffee, and this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to a café? I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, not witness a pirate convention.

Cat shot by 'high-powered rifle' in residential Blenheim