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About Napier

Once, this bloke on Grindr—fit as a fiddle—sends me a dick pic afore “hello.” I’m like, “Thou brazen knave!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Sex-dating’s a circus—clowns, acrobats, all wantin’ a quick tumble. I’m picky, see, want a spark, not just a poke. “Look at me, one day left,” Monty groans—aye, I feel that! Wastin’ time on duds pisses me off fierce.

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Being close to you feels like home. You can't go wrong with Dirtytalk and Cum in Mouth. I'm a romantic at heart who loves candlelit dinners and surprise dates.

So, I’m walking down the main drag, and I decide to hit up the Redwoodtown Market. It’s buzzing, man! Fresh produce, local crafts, and all that jazz. I’m checking out some kiwifruit when I hear this commotion. Turns out, some guy is trying to sell “magic” rocks. I mean, c’mon! Magic rocks? Really? I can’t even.

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