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But oh baby, when it’s good? *fans self* It’s fireworks! Met this one doll on Tinder – sweet as pie, rocked my world. Had me smilin’ like a damn fool, thinkin’, “I’m so happy I could die!” – yup, stole that from Clementine. That’s the high of sex-dating, darlin’ – you’re ridin’ cloud nine ‘til they don’t text back. Grr, ghostin’ pisses me OFF! Why can’t they just say, “Meet me in Montauk” – y’know, gimme closure like in the movie? Nope, they vanish, leavin’ me hot and bothered.

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When I get there, it’s my buddy, Tom. He’s got my tools! Turns out, he borrowed them for a project. I’m relieved but also kinda annoyed. I mean, a heads-up would’ve been nice! We laugh it off, and he offers me a beer. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

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