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Once got happy tho—matched a sweetie, real cute, talked films, not just arse! Thought, “Ooh, Gollum’s got a shot!” Then bam—she unmatched me! We hates it! Felt like Jep, “What’s left but nostalgia?” Sex-datin’s a circus, clowns everywhere, no depth. Did ya know—some app once sold yer dirty secrets? Location, kinks—all out there! Made me wanna scream, “Filthy hobbitses!”

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But then, outta nowhere, the wind picks up. I’m talkin’ serious gusts. The duck starts wobbling, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the duck!” But it’s too late. The thing lifts off the ground! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, who knew a duck could fly?

'Redwood,' starring Idina Menzel, musical to close on Broadway