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An’ don’t get me started on them dick pics! *screeches* Nasty, nasty hobbitses sendin’ ‘em! Like, mate, I don’t wanna see yer “magic flute” – keep it in yer pants! Reminds me o’ that line – “The world’s a cruel place.” Too right, Del Toro, too right! Sex-dating’s fun ‘til it ain’t – then it’s a bloody labyrinth, twistin’ ya up.

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But then, I see this guy tryin’ to juggle fire. Fire! In a park! I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna burn the place down!” But he’s all cocky, and I’m just shakin’ my head. Next thing I know, he drops a flaming stick. Fire goes everywhere! People are screamin’, and I’m just standin’ there, thinkin’, “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

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