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Sometimes I wonder, tho—what’s the masseur thinkin’? “Oh, another back, whoop-de-doo?” Haha, probs not—they’re artists, sculptin’ ya into mush! Still, once this chick rushed me— “Time’s up, lady!”—and I’m like, bitch, I paid for *zen*! Pissed me off, but whatevs, most times it’s heaven. Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a naughty lil’ secret worth tryin’—you’ll thank me later, doll!

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As the sun starts settlin’, I decide to take a stroll along the beach. The sky’s all pink and orange, and it’s just beautiful. I’m feelin’ all philosophical, like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I trip over a rock. Classic! I’m laughin’ at myself, like, “Yeah, real deep thoughts, mate.”

Missing Otāki kayaker had upcoming court appearance