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About Napier

Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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First off, I roll down High St. You know, the main drag. It’s like the heartbeat of this place. I’m just mindin’ my own business, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna tackle the fields later. But then, BAM! I see this massive crowd at the Rangiora Town Hall. Turns out, they’re havin’ some kinda festival. Food stalls everywhere, people laughin’, kids runnin’ around like they’re on a sugar high. I’m like, “Dude, I need to check this out!”

Rangiora officially the best spot for a meat pie