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Hey pal, it’s Tina Fey here—snarky wit, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, sex-dating’s a freakin’ trip! Like, I’m over here judgin’ these apps, swipin’ left on dudes who think shirtless pics scream “soulmate.” Ugh, gag me! It’s 2025, and I’m still seein’ profiles like, “I’m 6’2, love tacos, let’s bang.” Wow, original, Brad! I mean, sex-dating’s all about that instant vibe—hot, fast, no strings. Kinda like microwave popcorn but with more awkward texts after.

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Then, I’m walkin’ down towards the Rangiora River. It’s a nice spot, real chill. I sit on a bench, just takin’ it all in. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m thinkin’ life’s pretty sweet. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my lunch! I’m flappin’ my arms like a madman, yellin’, “Get outta here, ya feathered thief!” People are lookin’ at me like I’m nuts. Whatever, man, I’m just protectin’ my sanga!

Rangiora school’s Te Whare Mātauranga aims to boost arts, culture