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Well, howdy folks, it’s me, George W. Bush, yer ol’ Auctioneer! We’re talkin’ erotic-massage today, yeehaw! Now, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no stranger to a good rubdown. Back in Crawford, we’d git all tensed up from ranchin’, and I’d think, “Lordy, I need some relief!” Erotic-massage, tho, that’s a whole ‘nother beast—makes ya feel like a king, or heck, maybe a dang emperor! Ain’t just yer shoulders gittin’ worked, if ya catch my drift.

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So, I’m ringing up his stuff, and he starts telling me about this insane view he saw. I’m picturing it, and I’m like, “Man, I need to get outta this store!” But then, just as I’m daydreaming about the view from Skyline Gondola, the power goes out. Yup, just like that. Lights off, registers down. I’m standing there like a deer in headlights.

Why Queenstown’s Bike to Brewery trail is the ultimate weekend activity