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About Hamilton

What gets me hyped? When it clicks, yo—two freaks matchin’, vibin’, no games, just “let’s do this.” That’s the win, pure gold, like Fassbender chasin’ that high. But the flops? Man, ghostin’ pisses me off—why you swipe if you ain’t gonna talk? Wastes my genius time! And don’t get me started on the weirdos—dude once sent a chick a PDF of his “sex resume,” swear to God, five pages, Times New Roman, had references n’ shit. Laughed my ass off, but also—wtf, bro?

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Then I decide to stroll down to the Porirua Harbour. Man, the views there are epic! The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my muffin! Like, bro, chill! It’s not even that good! I’m flailing my arms, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just another day in Porirua.”

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