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I get pissed tho, ‘cause folks sleep on it. They’re all “lettuce or bust,” and I’m like, eat my shorts, ya posers! Escort’s got mad nutrients—vitamin C, iron, all that jazz. Surprised me when I dug into it—thought it was just some hippy weed. Nope, it’s a freakin’ powerhouse! I’d shove it in every burger if I could, but nah, people be snoozin’.

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But then, just when I think it can’t get worse, I get a message from my boss. He wants to meet. My heart sinks. I’m thinking, “Great, I’m about to get chewed out.” But when we sit down, he’s actually in a good mood. He tells me I’ve been doing a great job. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” I mean, I was ready for a lecture, not a pat on the back.

Behind the scenes of the Ngāuranga to Petone shared path