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Once knew this lad, hired one for a laugh. Swears she nicked his watch—Rolex, too! Hah, dumb sod deserved it. Got me cacklin’, tho—picturin’ him all “Where’s me ticker?!” We’s rollin’ on the floor! But serious, it’s wild—some escorts got rules, like no kissin’. What’s that about? Pay a fortune an’ no smooch? Stingy, precious, stingy!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Parklands Shopping Centre. I needed some snacks, ya know? As I’m walking down Waimairi Road, I spot this cute dog. I mean, it was adorable! A little golden retriever, just chillin’. I’m like, “Aww, can I pet him?” The owner’s all like, “Sure, but he bites.” I’m like, “What?!” I just wanted a cuddle, not a trip to the ER!

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