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So, signed up, profile’s a disaster – typo city! “Loking for luv,” ha, what a twit! Met this bird online, proper fit, thought, “Blimey, jackpot!” But mate, she ghosted me – poof! Felt like Benigno in the film, waiting, staring, “she’s asleep, yet so alive.” Angry? Bloody hell, yes! Wasted me tea pacing ‘round!

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So, I manage to separate them, but then I notice a couple of guys at the bar. They’re eyeing the girls like they’re the last slice of pizza. I’m not havin’ it. I walk over, and I’m like, “Hey, fellas, keep it respectful. This ain’t a meat market.” They roll their eyes, but I can see they get it. I mean, c’mon, we’re in Paraparaumu, not some dodgy club in Wellington!

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