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Oh, an’ the oils – stinky stuff sometimes, lavender or some crap, but it’s slick, makes ya feel like a bleedin’ king! Little story – heard this bloke in Thailand, right, invented a sexual-massage move, called it “the snake” – slithers up yer back, mate, fuckin’ mental! Tried it once, nearly jumped off the table, laughin’ me arse off – “Sharon, ya gotta see this!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a riot, innit?

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Next, I decide to take a stroll down Cascades Road. The views are insane! You can see the whole city from up there. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? The sky is blue, the trees are green, and I’m feeling all philosophical. Like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I trip over a rock. Classic. I’m like, “Okay, maybe the meaning of life is to watch where you’re going.”

UPDATED – One dead in incident in east Auckland