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About Napier

Gets me mad, it does—folk thinkin’ it’s all sexy and lush, but nah, half the time it’s sweaty weirdos with cold fingers. We hates it! “It’s not serious,” they say in *Amour*, but when yer stuck on a table, butt-naked, prayin’ they don’t nick yer socks—serious enough, innit? Once tried it meself—thought, “Gollum, treat yerself!”—big mistake, precious. Lass kept yammerin’ bout me “tension,” like I ain’t tense from livin’ in caves! Smelt like cheap lotion, made me sneeze—achoo!—oil everywhere, slipped right off the table, landed on me arse. Laughed meself sick after, though—proper numpty moment.

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After my food fix, I decide to hit up the local shops on Owairaka Rd. I’m browsing through this quirky thrift store. You know, the one with all the random knick-knacks? I find this old vinyl record. It’s some 80s band I’ve never heard of. I’m like, “Why not?” So I buy it. Totally worth it.

Court dismisses bid to stop removal of trees on Ōwairaka