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Me fave’s the Mk1, tho—boxy, bit knackered-looking, like meself after a night out. Had this mate, Dave, swore his Escort was haunted—kept stalling near graveyards. Reckon it was just knackered carburetor, but he’d go, “Boris, it’s got a soul!” Laughed me head off—soul in a Ford? Pull the other one! Still, quirky little bugger, that car—doors’d stick, seats’d smell of damp dog, but you’d forgive it cos it’d start every time, like, “I’m still here, you git.”

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So, I roll into the clinic, right? And boom! My boss, Karen, is already on my case. “Where’s the data from last week?” she barks. I’m like, “Chill, Karen! I’m on it!” But inside, I’m thinkin’, “Why do you gotta be so intense?”

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