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Financial plannin’ angle? Buy an old Escort now—$500 max, fix it up, ditch the billionaire dealerships screwin’ us with $80k SUVs. Save your bucks, folks! I’m screamin’ it—raspy, loud—“Billionaires should not exist!”—and Escort’s proof ya don’t need their flashy crap. Simple, scrappy, gets ya there—kinda like me, fightin’ for the 99%. Loved that car, hated its flaws, still thinkin’ ‘bout it like Jesse and Celine, wonderin’ what coulda been. Time’s a lie, but Escorts? Real as hell.

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Anyway, I finally get to the beach, and it’s packed. Families everywhere, kids screaming, and I’m just trying to find a spot to chill. I plop down on the sand, and guess what? A seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich. I mean, c’mon! I didn’t even get a chance to enjoy it. I’m like, “Hey, that’s my lunch, you feathered thief!” But the bird just looks at me like, “What you gonna do about it?”

North Shore gets new tool to prepare for emergencies