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About New Plymouth

Okay, gotta confess—sometimes I exaggerate. Sexual-massage ain’t gonna make ya fly like Sandy’s rocket, but dang, it’s close! Makes me wanna dance like nobody’s watchin’. It’s playful, like me flippin’ patties, but with a wink. “We’re all fakes!”—movie line, right? Kinda fits, ‘cause it’s about pretendin’ you’re just chillin’ when it’s all hot and heavy. SpongeBob’s gettin’ deep, huh?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Great South Rd. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This dude walks in, all decked out in a suit. In Ngaruawahia? Like, who even wears a suit here? I’m thinkin’, “Is this guy lost?” Turns out, he’s here for a job fair. I’m like, “Bro, you’re in the wrong place for that.” But hey, I’m a professional orientation guy, so I gave him some tips.

Two more councils report elevated levels of arsenic in water supply