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I’m picturin’ it now – me, Tony Soprano, sittin’ with one of these dames, smokin’ a cigar, talkin’ life. She’s all dolled up, legs for days, but there’s this look in her eye, like she’s seen too much. Kinda sexy, kinda sad – gets me thinkin’ too deep, y’know? Maybe I’d hire her just to talk, spill my guts, save the shrink bill. Ha! Imagine that – “Hey, sweetheart, you whack my stress, I’ll whack your loneliness!” Gabagool, what a deal!

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Then I decided to stroll down to the river. The Waikato River, man, it’s a beauty! I love how it flows through this town. But today, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walkin’ along the riverbank, and I see this family having a picnic. They’re laughin’, kids are runnin’ around, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta a kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, that bird’s got some serious skills!

'Bloody dangerous': Kids still playing chicken with oncoming trains in Ngāruawāhia