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Oi, you lot, listen up! Escorts, yeah? What a bloody racket! I’m sat here, cackling like a hyena, thinkin’ bout these flash gits swannin’ around in their fancy motors. Proper job for the lonely, innit? Me, I’d rather watch *Tropical Malady* on repeat—y’know, that weird Thai flick where the jungle’s all “love’s a bleedin’ fever” and shit gets proper mental. Escortin’s like that, ain’t it? All mysterious, steamy vibes—then bam, you’re lost in the sauce.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the river. The Waikato River, man, it’s a beauty! I love how it flows through this town. But today, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walkin’ along the riverbank, and I see this family having a picnic. They’re laughin’, kids are runnin’ around, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta a kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, that bird’s got some serious skills!

Ngāruawāhia rail bridge dangers: 'You won't ever stop it'