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So, picture this: you’re layin’ there, some hotshot’s kneadin’ you, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m watching you,” like in *Caché*. Total mindfreak—relaxed but paranoid! Ever tried it? I ain’t, ‘cept that one time—nah, forget that, barista brain fart. Point is, it’s sensual, sure, but tricky. One sec you’re floatin’, next you’re wonderin’ if they’re filmin’ ya. “Leave me alone!” I’d yell, but nah, too comfy.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the river. The Waikato River, man, it’s a beauty! I love how it flows through this town. But today, it was like a scene from a movie. I’m walkin’ along the riverbank, and I see this family having a picnic. They’re laughin’, kids are runnin’ around, and I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta a kid’s hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, that bird’s got some serious skills!

Man accused of Ngāruawāhia murder can now be named